Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
