haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
