i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
