What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
