next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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