just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
