you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
