I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
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i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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