My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
