wakey wakey hands off snakey
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
