I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
