she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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