just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
