I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
