My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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