Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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