We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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