I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
