so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
