once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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