hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
