Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
