I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
