You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
