dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
