Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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