so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
