he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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