dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
