Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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