Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
