Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
