you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
