I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
