She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
