if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
