He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The power of my boobs compel you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
