do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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