last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
