okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
