well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
