let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
