she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
