remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I look better un-naked...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
