My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
