how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
