If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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