Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
