there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
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I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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