exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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