I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
