Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
