so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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