I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
