Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
