i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
