spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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