If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
