her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
