also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
