So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We talked him into tasing himself.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
