hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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