you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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