I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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