im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
