I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
