Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
